It's time for change. Recently I have been struggling with the question "What do I want to be when I grow up." Seems odd for a 46 year old that has spent the past 15 years working as a Designer.
I've always hated the question "What do you do for a living." Hated it! When I tell them the response is almost always..."That must be so fun!" Suprisingly most often followed by "I have always wanted to do that." Sounds nice enough so why you ask do I hate the question??? Simply put it makes me feel like an asshole because I want to say "Nope, not fun!" But instead I say something like..."Yes, it can be fun." I went to school for Interior Design because I am a creative & have always had an interest in interiors so it made sense. I didn't enjoy Design in school but I finished, graduated and decided it wasn't for me. I spent years working at many different jobs and then one day found myself drawing the staircase at one of my office jobs. I had always been doing creative projects on my own time but realized that I needed to be doing something more creative in the workplace. I eventually got a job at a local Design firm and ended up spending 11 years there. It was a place where you were given opportunities to learn with alot of support from fellow Designers. Initially I enjoyed learning more about Interior Design than I did in a classroom. I loved playing around in the fabric room & creating Design packages for clients...until I didn't. I started my own online Design business and had my own set of online and local clients, this too was fine. Nothing that drove me but it was what I knew. I started creating videos which started out serious with simple Design tips and have recently turned into DIY videos with more of a reflection of my goofy personality, something that I do enjoy creating. Still, in Design I had lost interest. I kept redirecting any new clients to other Designers or I simply told them I wasn't accepting new clients. The jobs were there if I wanted them but I didn't.
I am currently in my fourth home in my 10 years. The last two involved new kitchens and general updating. Looking back they were fine but the last especially ,which ended up being featured in our local Interiors magazine was done in the way you would expect. Everything carefully selected, every detail aganozed over (WAY harded to do your own home than someone elses) It was magazine worthy & I liked it but didn't love it. Looking back it was more what was expected.
This time things are different, something I haven't put much thought into until now that the kitchen reno is almost over. It feels good here & that to me is my light bulb moment. FEEL
It's a funny looking word as I type it in caps but it has so much meaning. I am a visual, things effect me when I see them. I am inspired by colour, creating and combining objects together. I have never thought until recently how much FEEL has to do with happiness & contentment. All of the senses that create comfort. How something smells how it feels not just by touch but overall. How someone feels when they are in a space the importance of it. I have realized that part of the reason that I have always cringed when I tell someone what I do for a living is because I didnt put value in it, I thought of it as silly. It's not just about hiring a Designer to create a beautiful home or room. It's about creating a feeling of comfort and a reflection of who they are. What makes them exhale, makes them FEEL truly comfortable and at peace in their home. This may seem obvious but it isnt to most. Alot of spaces are created based solely on the visual. Yes, in space planning there is obvious consideration for how one moves in a space but that is function. Something that is a part of the overall FEEL of the space but there is more to consider like touch, smell and sound to truly Design a space.
I recently had someone tell me I had lost my spark and needed to find my passion. I have and it lies in creating spaces where everything is existing together, a space you want to be in, a space that makes you FEEL.
That is my passion.